Self compassion in the midst of a broken resolution.
Lying here in the middle of the night - literally it’s 00.03 - It’s the 8th January now and I’ve broken my New Years resolution already. I’d set the task of leaving my phone in a different room while I sleep because otherwise I have a tendency to literally latch onto it. I even feel embarrassed saying it, because I know the reason I reach for it is to fill some kind of void, and admitting loneliness is still pretty taboo, even though everyone gets lonely.
But what I have noticed is that when I don’t reach for my phone, when I leave it in another room and don’t take it to bed, I feel. Free. Free and pure, and. wholesome. Yep, I slide into bed feeling pure, and I pick up my book and read or meditate till I fall asleep, then I wake up feeling refreshed and healthy and it’s a brand new day starting with the perfect conditions for productivity. Win.
I definitely don’t feel that now though. My eyes hurt and my stomachs churning because of the energy I’ve consumed staring at the blue light of the Internet. I struggle to sleep on an empty stomach too, so now I won’t sleep, then I’ll be lethargic in the morning and I won’t go for my run and I won’t be productive. Oh......blimin’ ek! Spiral of blimin’ D O O M!
Hey. Now this is OK, it’s OK. We. have. got this!!!
My rational brain kicks in.
I know that I have the tools to not let these set backs get to me now. Years of making and breaking goals, then remaking them again will do that for you. I am equipped and I am fine.
I tune in.
My body needs rest, my eyes need soothing, my mind needs compassion.
I take a deep breath and I
B R E A T H
Positive self talk
It really is all OK. I’ve slipped on my resolution and took my phone to bed again because I was feeling a little bit low, this is normal and it’s fine and there are resolutions being broken all over the world every single day.
Speak to my inner child in soothing hush tones - even if just for fun.
It’s ok, it’s ok. Rest now little one (strokes imaginary inner child’s hair). You can aim for wholesome and pure again tomorrow. Rest now, get some sleep.